Why do some couples have more and more feelings? (required reading for husband and wife)

/July 2022

do you agree? Marriage is like a rubber band in your hand.

the harder both parties pull and are unwilling to make changes for each other, the belt may be broken because of excessive strength, so that both sides will be hurt.

Marriage is a choice. The most valuable thing is not that we have chosen each other among many choices, but that no matter how long it takes, we will still choose each other among many choices.

such a firm choice of marriage is that husband and wife have found a suitable way to get along with each other. After going through ups and downs, they still have only each other in their eyes.

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it is hard to avoid stumbling between husband and wife, but knowing how to adjust and take the initiative to improve intimate relationship is what we call "flexible marriage" today.


what is flexible marriage?

I have heard such a story.

Quebec, Canada has a north-south valley. There is nothing special about the valley. The only thing that attracts people's attention is that its eastern and western slopes are completely different.

the west slope is covered with pine, cedar, cypress, privet and other trees, while the east slope is only cedar. It was a couple who discovered this strange phenomenon.

it was the winter of 1983, and the couple's marriage was on the verge of falling apart. in order to find their former love, they decided to take a romantic trip and break up amicably if they couldn't get it back.

when they came to the valley, it snowed heavily. When they hid in the tent, they found that because of the direction of the wind, the snow on the east slope was always thicker than that on the west slope.

soon the cedar branches on the east slope were covered with snow, but when the thick snow covered the branches, the elastic branches of the cedar would "bend" and "send" the snow to the ground. Over and over again, the cedar is intact.

the wife in the tent found this and said:

speaking of this, the couple looked at each other as if they understood something, and then they hugged each other with tears in their eyes.

the relationship between the two before the trip is broken precisely because they do not bend over and bow their heads, adhere to their own style and do not consider each other's feelings, and the two are physically and mentally exhausted.

writer Liu Yong once said:

this flexible marriage model similar to cedar is a marriage full of wisdom, which we call it: flexible marriage.

the elasticity of marriage will not only effectively resolve contradictions and conflicts in life, but also form an intimate relationship between husband and wife with strong relaxation and strong self-healing ability.

on the contrary, most marriage patterns that do not know how to change, like other vegetation on the eastern slope, are overwhelmed by heavy snow and do not live long.


A long-term marriage needs flexibility

there is a famous saying in psychological circles:

the same is true of marriage. It takes two people to change each other so that the road of companionship can be long.

there was such a couple more than 200 years ago. They made their wandering life full of fun. Many people envy the deep affection that they never leave each other.

they are Shen Fu and Yunniang in six stories of a floating Life.

in their marriage, the most moving thing is not only their calm and optimistic attitude towards life, but also their willingness to constantly adjust themselves, change themselves for each other, and work hard to meet each other's inner needs.

Shen Fu didn't like the smell of stewed melon and fermented bean curd, but because Yun Niang liked it, he was willing to try it on his own initiative and finally fell in love with these two foods.

in order to satisfy Yun Niang's desire to go out, Shen Fu disregarded the secular vision and dressed Yun Niang as a man, and the two visited the temple fair together.

No matter how hard life is later, Yun Niang will respect his preferences and support his ideas with practical actions.

in order to enable Shen Fu to taste wine and discuss poems with friends, she came up with the idea of warming wine with wonton, and took great pains to prepare it carefully, causing everyone to praise her little trick.

it is precisely because I have you in my heart and me in your heart that we can make changes for each other's preferences, even if the living conditions are poor, the road to love can be long.

A partner who knows how to take the initiative to adjust the relationship gives the marriage enough flexibility to smooth out all the wrinkles of life and bear the unhappiness of the rest of life.


flexibility will make marriages happier

in life, some marriages are so tense that they are tense all the time, break down when they quarrel, and never leave room for manoeuvre.

in a flexible marriage, there is no difference between strength and weakness, only mutual respect and understanding, tolerance and support.

there is a problem with Zhihu:

Zhihu netizen Qiyou told a story of his own.

she teaches in a university, and her husband works in a design company. Although the salary of teachers is not high, they have stable establishment and income, and they are also in the period of career rise.

and the students like her teaching very much, she feels very satisfied with the job and often enjoys it.

however, when the daughter was more than one year old, the babysitter at home suddenly resigned and couldn't find a suitable aunt, which made the couple panic.

unexpectedly, in order to take care of her career and dream, my husband decided to resign and go home to take care of her daughter and become a full-time father.

when asked why, the normally rough man smiled and said:

when she heard her husband say this, she couldn't help reddening her eyes when she was worried.

Florence Isaacs said:

Marriage is a matter for two people. Only by being tolerant, knowing how to make concessions, and being good at adjustment, can we get closer and closer to a happy marriage.

intimacy is mutual support and cooperation.In the process of commitment, it becomes stronger and stronger, and the two will be happier.