Raising children, third-rate parents as nannies, second-rate parents being reasonable, first-class parents.
in the neighborhood, children are playing and several mothers are chatting. Because the children are all in the same kindergarten, it is easy to chat together.
some mothers say that their children eat well, some mothers say that their children sleep much better than at home, and some mothers say that their children like kindergarten because they have made friends.
the mother of a boy was very worried that she was afraid of her child going to kindergarten.
We all advise her to send her children to kindergarten as far as possible, even if not necessarily well, but at least it is better than at home. As a result, she said: the child can not go to the whole day, do not eat, sleep to be coaxed.
the mother can be said to be meticulous to her children: she is afraid of being bitten by mosquitoes in summer, chasing her children to fan them. Fearing that the child will be frozen in winter, he will go out on the third floor and the third floor outside. Eat for fear that children will get their clothes dirty and feed them one mouthful at a time.
everything is arranged for the child, so his ability to take care of himself is not much better.
what children become in the end comes from the influence of their parents.
as the famous American "family therapist" Satya said:
"A person and his original family are inextricably linked, and this connection is likely to affect his life."
whether a child is good or not depends not on how many trips to the country, nor on how good his grades are, but on what kind of role his parents play and how they influence him.
be a "gold medal" babysitter and do everything
many parents like their children to grow up according to their own expectations, so they pave the way for their children, from eating and drinking to life planning.
A netizen said that he was often laughed at and teased by his classmates because of the excessive care of his parents.
growing up, his parents let him live a life of "opening his mouth and holding out his clothes".
not only is he not allowed to do housework such as cooking and laundry, but also food, clothing, housing and transportation are arranged for him.
when he wants to do it himself, his parents always say, "you can't do it, you can't do it."
under the arrangement of his parents, he felt that he had become a person with high scores and low abilities, and was out of touch with society.
even admitted to college, he thought he could get rid of his parents, but he didn't want to report to that day, so his parents insisted on helping him clean his dorm room.
after starting a family, he sometimes wants to do more housework at home, and his mother always thinks he can't do it for him, while his father always nags: let the old man do it, you can't do it.
along the way, parents explore the way ahead of each step, and have become a "gold medal" babysitter. But for children, they have long wanted to be independent, but their parents have always refused to let go.
Why are parents so stubborn?
China Youth Daily once conducted a survey and found that 65.9% of the respondents thought that parents thought their children could get ahead as long as they studied well.
39.1% of the respondents pointed out that some parents always think that their children are young and that it is not too late to cultivate their living ability in the future.
some parents think it doesn't matter as long as their children have a future in the future. As everyone knows, it is precisely this kind of "love" that weakens or even deprives children of their ability to run.
in the teenager who opens his heart, the mother of the little boy Yike doesn't want her child to be like herself because she was raised in poverty when she was a child.
for fear of her son's injury, the mother can be said to have done everything.
I can be 8 years old, and my mother still feeds, brushes her teeth and dresses. Finally, I was laughed at by the students because of my poor self-care ability.
in the video, Yike also speaks from the bottom of his heart: although he is very happy every day and his parents do a lot of things for him, he is still a little bad.
he doesn't want to cause trouble, but also wants to study and change the status quo. I hope his mother can give him a chance to be independent and master some life skills.
as said in "raising Children": if your child is not prepared to wrestle, your child will never learn to ride a bike.
if children are not allowed to experience storms, they will not have the courage and ability to face them independently.
Children will have many unknown experiences in the future. If parents always stand up for their children, they will not deal with thorny problems when they grow up, and they are easy to rely on or choose to escape.
Professor Li Meijin said: some parents often do nothing when they should take care of their children, but often intervene when they should not.
parents do everything instead of for a while, but they can't grow up for their children for a lifetime.
therefore, parents should not be "golden nannies" and raise their children into "giant babies" without knowing it. Because this is not true love, but naked harm.
only by cultivating a child's ability to be independent can a child have the ability to fly.
to give him the so-called "aseptic" protection, it is better to give him the opportunity to ride the wind and waves.
Ray C Bierley told a case in "A good mother is better than a good teacher":
4-year-old Carl had a little trouble learning the letter "G". He couldn't read well, so he decided to give up.
however, my mother thought it was too important to let Carl do whatever he wanted.
so the mother patiently taught her son that this letter is not optional, and if you can't learn it now, it will be more difficult to learn in the future.
but Carl's attitude is also very firm. After
, the two men had a cold war for two days, and on the third day Carl pronounced the letter.
in fact, Carl's problem is not big, but his mother is very reasonable, which leads to Carl's resistance.
psychologist Piaget has done an experiment on children aged 2-7-Sanshan Shi.Test.
first of all, he and his assistant placed three rockery models of different angles and sizes, allowing children to observe the model from four directions.
then they put a puppet doll opposite the child.
then they asked the children two questions: what are the three mountains you see? What are the three mountains seen by the puppet doll?
finally, they showed the children the pictures taken from these four directions and asked them to determine which picture was the 'mountain' seen by the dolls on the other side of the mountain.
it is found that children can only describe the shape of the "three mountains" from their own point of view, but not from the standpoint of the opposite puppet doll.
this experiment proves that children between the ages of 2 and 7 are "self-centered" because children in this age group are in the pre-computing stage and can only proceed from their own point of view.
although some people later questioned the difficulty of the experiment, using the "New three Mountains" experiment to draw a different conclusion: when children do not have certain abilities, it may be that the problem is opened in the wrong way.
but children are usually self-centered before correctly judging a problem, that is, in the early stages of observation.
similarly, when a child encounters difficulties and we want to persuade and move the child with reason at the beginning, the child is a different way of thinking.
how can children be moved if there is no intersection of cognition?
in the Transfiguration, there is a lawyer and father who often gives a "political lesson" to his son Zihao, who likes to play games.
Require to replace your women's long sleeve evening wear after each occasion? They are perfect for any occasion.
he reasoned to Zihao: "do you know it's wrong to play games? it's wrong to play games often."
and Zihao nodded and agreed.
then Dad went on to talk at length about the dangers of playing games.
Zihao's father talked so much, but as soon as Zihao returned to his room, he kept playing the game.
does it mean that Zihao's father is wrong?
of course not, because reason cannot completely save the son of a veteran player. But he was unaware of it and felt that there was nothing wrong with his education.
in the face of the "new daughter" Xiaoyuan, he still does not forget to be reasonable.
when he learned that Xiao Yuan wanted to be a policeman in the future, he immediately blurted out: "you can be a policeman if you want to be a policeman. You can move forward towards this goal. Like your father, when he was in high school, he wanted to be a lawyer and kept moving toward this goal. You set a goal."
preaching runs through the whole meal. Xiaoyuan later said that her father was like talking to a criminal, like a Tang monk chanting sutras, while she was like Sun WuKong pretending to be listening.
Professor Li Meijin said: don't preach about children's wayward behavior, similarly, don't preach about children's mistakes, because preaching is noise to children.
parents often overlook a problem: education is not just about teaching.
in family education, parents sometimes like to incarnate as teachers, constantly baptizing their children.
first of all, "be reasonable", nagging and preaching.
in fact, you say to your child like a teacher:
listen carefully and don't play in class, otherwise you will not be a good child. Don't be careless, or you won't get good grades. If you don't study hard, you won't be admitted to a good school.
but children often hear it in their ears, but it is difficult to change their actions. For example, if you should do the right problem, you can still make a mistake.
it is not wrong to be reasonable, but many parents have to be reasonable when they encounter problems instead of communicating with their children on an equal footing.
then, after a long time, it is difficult for children to control their emotions, thus forming a character that jumps in the extremes of "obedience" and "out of control".
psychologically, such families are called families that lack confirmatory responses, also known as "ineffective families".
it's just indoctrination, not communication. The child agrees face to face, but the behavior behind it is out of control.
therefore, blindly telling reason to children will only destroy the parent-child relationship, but will not have a substantial effect.
be a model and set a good example for children
Zheng Yuanjie expressed this point of view in Zheng Yuanjie's Family Education Class: when parents are educating their children, keep your mouth shut, lift your legs, walk your way of life, and show your children that the effect is very good.
educating children is an imperceptible process, and children can easily become what their parents are.
there is a mother in Zhihu. In order to give her child the courage to face the high school entrance examination and the unknown road in the future, she started running and set the goal of running a marathon.
completed the first horse of his life at the starting line of the marathon.
before that, the mother accompanied her son to challenge snowboarding.
she told her son that she had suffered for what she loved. If you hate yourself, you can be ruthless.
Love yourself, not satisfied with the most basic desires, but dare to pursue the life you most aspire to.
under the infection of his mother, the son gradually became brave and dared to face failure, and finally passed the high school entrance examination smoothly.
I can't help but admire the mother's perseverance and choose to be a good example for her children and give them spiritual enrichment.
I think of a father in Zhejiang who once saved two women who accidentally fell into the water.
at that time, my daughter was there. Seeing that the situation was critical, my father put a long stick into the water and pulled the woman back to the shore.
the daughter cheered: "Daddy, come on!" My father is good! "
as soon as the news came out, netizens praised the father's textbook rescue, which is a good example for children.
parents are the first teachers in their children's life, depending on whether you are a role model or a bad role model.
Recently, he was popular with Zhao Wenzhuo in "Brother through difficulties", not only because of his stage performance, but also because of his positive view of education.
he said that family education is more powerful than school, and he will do what his children are required to do. Ask children not to do, do not make an exception.
in life, some parents do not have good behavior habits, but just give their children a bad demonstration. They verbally ask their children to be self-motivated and independent, but they are a giant baby in behavior.
but good parents use their children as a mirror, constantly examine their behavior and grow up with their children.
Don't underestimate the child's ability to imitate. The background of the child's future has long been secretly doomed.
parents with foul-mouthed words cannot raise educated children. Parents who indulge in games and swipe their mobile phones every day cannot raise children who love reading. Parents who do not like to do housework cannot raise children who love to work.
parents must first be hands-on if they want their children to be independent. If children are to be educated, parents must first obey the rules. If you want your child to be loving, parents must first have empathy and empathy.
parents' hard lifts are the best starting line for children.
"People's Daily" once pointed out: "educating your children well is the most important career in your life."
No matter how much wealth parents have, no matter how successful they are in their career, they are not worth having an excellent child.
if school education is stratified, so will family education. Children receive education at whatever level their parents are in.
it can be said that the family is the most influential lifelong growth service platform for children. Children can go further only if their parents are high-level and far-sighted.
I hope all parents can improve their level and be their children's right-hand men so that their children can achieve better life development.