How important it is for a child to be a happy mother

before, there was a hot topic on Weibo: what is the influence of mothers on their children?

A comment by Wu Zhihong, a psychological counseling writer, has been strongly recognized by netizens.

he said:

"mothers have a great influence on their children, especially emotional influence, which will last a lifetime.

mothers should be a container for their children to accompany their children to grow up happily. "

some netizens responded that mothers have too much influence on their children. Whether they are happy, how to adjust their emotions, and how to look at things all have a direct impact on their children's psychology.

A relaxed and happy mother and a grumpy mother will have a completely different impact on their children.

Ed Tronick, a professor of psychology at the University of Manchester, once did a very famous still face experiment.

he lets a mother interact with her child first, and the child is very happy;

then he asks the mother to keep expressionless. No matter what the child does, the mother has no emotional response, and finally the child collapses and cries.

at the beginning of the experiment, the mother interacted with her child normally, and the child was very happy;

at the beginning of the still face experiment, the mother became expressionless, and the child found something was wrong and began to find ways to attract the mother's attention.

the child continued to try to get the mother to interact with her, but the mother was still expressionless.

finally the child began to collapse and cry.

this experiment allows us to see the most direct impact of a mother's emotions on her child's psychology.

mothers are happy, children's world is clear; mothers are sad, children's world is gloomy.

educator Zhu Xudong said: the most wonderful education is purposeful.

the mother's values, words and deeds will exert an imperceptible influence on the child's life.

far-sighted mothers all know how to create a warm and loving family atmosphere to make their children feel happy.

A happy mother is the greatest blessing of a family.

01

unhappy mothers

the mother's mood reflects the child's world.

when a mother is in a pessimistic mood, it will make her child have no sense of security, or even long-term depression, inferiority complex and cowardice.

and an indifferent and gloomy mother will make the family depressed, blame each other, hurt each other, and cause a lifetime of psychological shadow to the child.

think of the bitter, indifferent and melancholy mother in the novel olive Kittridge.

she complains, blames and scolds all the time.

she is very fond of belittling her husband and is unwilling to communicate problems head-on. She only expresses her dissatisfaction by quarrelling.

treat children, but also always yell, can not speak well, leaving children with deep psychological scars.

the child spent a bad childhood under the harsh blow of his mother, which made him unable to identify with himself for a long time.

and his parents' bad marital relationship also makes him unable to deal with the relationship with his partner.

it was not until he experienced a failed marriage and psychotherapy that he realized that the bad past was not his fault and began to regain his confidence in life.

Gibran said:

your children are not actually your children. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you.

each child is an independent individual and should not be a receiver for parents' emotional catharsis.

in life, how many mothers vent all their troubles about work and complaints about life on innocent children;

even because they fail to handle the emotional relationship between husband and wife, they transfer their resentment to their children, causing irreparable harm to their children.

there is a passage in the book Why Family hurts:

if a mother wants your child to be mentally healthy, interact with him more when he is a baby.

it's important to see him with joy.

A complaining mother will make her child feel bad about herself and inferiority, and even feel undervalued and unloved, thus affecting her child's healthy growth.

A happy mother knows how to make her children feel care and love through their own words and deeds, so as to create a sunny world for their children.

02

Mother's mood

determines the temperature of the child's world

there is a question on Zhihu: what kind of mother does a happy and excellent child have?

there is a high praise answer: a happy and excellent child should have a wise and loving mother.

A gentle, happy and loving mother is the most important person in her child's life.

Hu Shi wrote in the article:

"if I can learn a little bit of kindness, if I can forgive and be considerate, I have to thank my loving mother."

Hu Shi's mother is gentle, generous and kind, which has a great influence on his life.

Hu Shi's half-brother has been the black sheep of the family since childhood, gambling, drug abuse and debt everywhere.

as the stepmother of the family, Hu Shi's mother has never been harshly criticized.

every time I went to New Year's Eve, there was always a bunch of debt collectors in the family, and my mother never got angry. She always entertained her well and persuaded the debt collectors to go back.

when Brother Hu Shi came back, she didn't say a word of reproach.

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positiveIt was his mother's kind and gentle character that made Hu Shi know how to treat others with a tolerant and kind attitude.

after becoming a writer, he never confronted each other directly or showed any disrespect in the face of the satire of other literati.

this is why Hu Shi is still appreciated and admired by most people decades later.

A positive and sunny mother is the best guide in her child's spiritual world.

Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng's daughter Liang Zaibing wrote when recalling their childhood:

the two shacks are low, dark and damp, with bamboo strips plastering mud as walls without running water and electric lights.

kerosene should also be used sparingly, which can only be illuminated by one or two vegetable oil lamps at night.

but even though the living environment is simple, even in the difficult times of war and hardship, Lin Huiyin still does not forget to sing and read poems, making his children feel the joy of life.

Lin Huiyin's strong character and positive attitude also exert a subtle influence on Liang Zaibing.

so that she can face it with a positive attitude when she encounters a crack in the future.

A really good tutor is to make children know how to enjoy life.

how many parents think that giving their children a rich material life is good for their children.

to do everything for the family is to do your duty, but forget the most original and simple happiness in life.

A happy mother who teaches her children to treat others with leniency and look at the world with warm eyes is the most precious spiritual wealth left to their children.

03

Happy mothers

in most Chinese families, mothers take care of and accompany their children, so the mother's attitude has a particularly important impact on their children.

I saw a mother's help post on the Internet:

as a pessimistic, negative and emotional mother, I would like to know what her child wants her mother to do.

there is the most responsive answer: the mother has to grow up on her own, otherwise it will be more difficult for the child to get out of the mother's influence.

be a happy person before you can be a happy mother.

A happy mother can educate a happy child.

1. Learn to control emotions

in a child's world, taking care of emotions is always more important than solving problems.

A smart mother knows how to assume the role of a mother when facing her children, always reminding herself to forget her unhappiness.

learn to control your emotions and pay more attention to the tone and way you communicate with your children.

No complaining, no anger, no harsh criticism, can we create a healthy and comfortable environment for children to grow up.