Don't indulge the child's "nature" at the age when you should set the rules.

/August 2022

I have seen such a piece of news:

at Shanghai Disneyland, an employee playing Winnie Bear was interacting with tourists when a child rushed over and punched him in the stomach with his fist.

the staff immediately came forward to stop the child, and then left the scene with the "beaten" acting employee.

there is usually a clear rule in amusement parks that tourists cannot attack dolls. Such a form of hammering can easily lead to injuries to the staff who play the dolls.

in the process of communicating with the parents of the children, they did not expect that they had no shame at all, and they responded particularly strongly to the staff:

"the prop suit will not be broken, so why do you have to make it difficult for the child?"

"what else do you want to do after apologizing?"

instead of taking the opportunity to educate their children, parents continue to excuse their children, while their children are silent and stingy, as if it had nothing to do with him.

play and play in public places and destroy other people's things casually.

this is how many "bear children" in society grew up with the connivance of their parents and finding excuses for him to shirk his responsibility.

as the writer Kazuo Inamori said:

"too much emphasis on respect for children's autonomy turns into laissez-faire."

only freedom is given, but the obligation to pair with freedom is hardly taught. "

this is disadvantageous to the cultivation of children's moral concepts, social adaptation and interpersonal communication.


Why should you make rules for your children as soon as possible

there is a passage in Dr. Dobson's book "bravely disciplining":

"if there is a railing on the edge of the cliff, then people dare to look down against the railing, because they are not afraid to fall."

if there were no railings, everyone would have stopped far from the cliff, let alone standing on the edge of the cliff and looking down. "

this railing is the "rule".

rules allow people to behave with boundaries and thus have relative freedom.

set rules on safety issues, such as not touching sockets, not playing in the street, not jumping too high, not opening the door to strangers. To ensure the child's safety.

set rules in interpersonal communication, such as saying something well, don't hit people and rob others' things; be polite to be a guest at other people's houses, and don't touch other people's things casually.

Let children learn to respect others, consider other people's feelings, be polite and educated.

set rules on behavior habits, such as going to bed early and getting up early; reading more and playing with mobile phones less; eating less sweets.

make children healthier, more self-disciplined and excellent.

set rules on public rules, such as watching movies at the cinema and taking public transport quietly, not disturbing others; littering in the trash can, not littering everywhere; obeying traffic lights; not jumping the queue.

Let children learn self-discipline and take responsibility for their own words and deeds.

it is in all kinds of rules that children can have a more mature and profound understanding of the world, break the limitation of self-centeredness, be reasonable, have empathy, speak and act appropriately, and become a well-educated person with correct values.

many parents think that it is natural for their children to be young, lively and naughty, and they should not care too much about it.

this is not true.

in the field of education, the age of 3-6 is often referred to as the "wet cement period", which is the most malleable period for children and a critical period for character formation and habit formation.

Children in this period have not yet formed their own understanding and concept of things, and their parents' words are like the "golden rule" to him, and they are more willing to listen.

when children enter junior high school and puberty, many behavior habits and ideas gradually take shape. At this time, children have a very strong personal consciousness and pay attention to their own feelings and thinking, and their parents' words have little influence on them. if you want to change again, it will be even more difficult, often resulting in contradictions and conflicts between parents and children.

therefore, it is too early to make rules.

setting rules for children at the age of 3-6 years old has the least resistance and the best effect.

you can't let children "do whatever they want" at this age.


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set rules for children

parents should set a good example

on July 11, a video of tourists plucking peacock feathers was circulated on the Internet.

the incident occurred in a scenic spot in Qinhuangdao, Hebei Province. a woman in white reached out to grab the peacock's tail feathers, pulled them off, and handed them to the children next to her.

the unfeathered peacock, frightened, quickly ran far away and flew to a high ground.

the scenic spot staff said that no matter whether plucking will have an impact on the peacock's body, psychologically, the peacock will be afraid of humans for a long time.

the demonstration of parents' words and deeds plays the most important role in setting rules.

Children between the ages of 3 and 6 may not understand what their parents say, but they will certainly imitate their parents' words and deeds. Therefore, parents should be careful in their words and deeds and set a positive example for their children.

if you want your children to behave, parents must first do it themselves, such as not making noise in public places, not damaging the environment, abiding by traffic rules, and not jumping in line.

the same is true of family rules: parents should lead by example if they want their children to go to bed early and get up early and have less exposure to electronics.

otherwise, no matter how much you teach your children, it is unconvincing.


make rules for children

adopt a gentle and firm attitude

some parents have established rules, but they can't enforce them firmly.

when you see the child crying, acting like a spoiled child, or when you are in a good mood, you can change it at will and let the child do it.

for example, we agreed that we could only watch cartoons for 30 minutes a day, and when guests came, the children took advantage of the busy time to play spoiled with their parents and wanted to watch it for a while, but the parents didn't want to struggle with their children, so they agreed.

in this way, the rules are useless. With more times, children feel that the rules can be broken, and they are more and more unwilling to follow them.

therefore, it is important for parents to adopt a gentle and firm attitude, not to blame their children for crying and messing around, but also to stick to their own position and let their children understand that the rules they have laid down must be obeyed.

for example, you can tell your child:

communicating with your child in an understanding, positive and encouraging tone will make your child feel good about himself and be more willing to behave.

in other things, there can be some punitive measures when necessary to make the child bear the consequences for his or her actions.

as reported in a news report, a child splashed ink downstairs from his window, causing many households to contaminate their clothes on the balcony.

parents not only let their children write reviews and send them to the owners, but also take their children to apologize and wash the contaminated clothes with their children.

in some important things, only by taking actions and bearing the consequences of their own actions can children deeply understand the rules and restrain their own behavior.

for example, if you tell your child not to throw an object from a height, you can first explain the harmfulness to your child, and then make a rule with your child:

if you throw something downstairs, you will be punished to clean downstairs for 2 weeks, which will be supervised by parents.

curiosity, liveliness and activity are the nature of children, but it does not mean that parents should conform to this "nature" of their children at any time and place.

in specific things and occasions, parents should not help their children escape, but should ask their children to bear the consequences for their mistakes, so that they can face their mistakes honestly and bravely and correct themselves.

there is a dialogue in the classic picture book I Love you forever:

A Li: "if I made my pillow feathered all over the place, would you still love me?"

Mom: "I will always love you, but you have to pack up your feathers."

A Li: "if I spilled paint on my sister, would you still love me?"

Mom: "I will always love you, but you have to be responsible for bathing your sister."

Yes, love and rules do not conflict.

principled love is more nutritious to the growth of children.