Behind every self-disciplined child, there is a mother who can bear it.
some time ago, I was living in a state of anxiety. My daughter's school has been adjusted to a spring schedule, and her arrival time will be half an hour earlier.
originally time was tight in the morning, but now it's even more like a chicken flying and a dog jumping.
first of all, waking a child up is a big problem.
No matter how much she shouted and the alarm went off several times, the daughter refused to get up with her eyes closed.
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it was not easy to drag her up and stared at her to wash and urge her to eat breakfast.
finally packed up, hurriedly dragged her out, and found that she didn't bring her homework last night.
after learning from the bitter experience, I decided to prescribe "fierce medicine" and return the burden to my daughter thoroughly.
so I told her:
Mom has too many things to worry about. Please set your own alarm clock to get up tomorrow.
We go out on time at 7: 40 every day.
my daughter agreed and murmured, "I could have, but you had to talk."
the next day, when the alarm clock went off, my daughter did not move. I resisted the impulse to remind her and went on waiting.
after a few minutes, she struggled to get up, cleaned up, and pulled me out quickly.
I glanced at the time and was 10 minutes early!
in the next few days, she was sometimes early and sometimes late. I praised her for keeping it early, and I kept silent when I was late.
finally, after a while, she found the rhythm and didn't have to go to war in the morning.
after this strong medicine, I finally understand that it is because I have been interfering too much that it has become a self-conscious hindrance to the child.
think of a sentence: behind every self-disciplined child, there is a "bearable" mother.
being patient is the advanced state of being a mother.
Mom can hold back her hand so that her child can be independent
there was an issue of "Juvenile talk" in which a girl mocked herself for being too spoiled by her parents and developed her own "high quotient and low ability".
when she was a child, she couldn't use chopsticks, so her parents gave her a spoon, and then she ate every time she ate.
so, even in the second year of high school, she is not very good at using chopsticks.
it was only in the second year of junior high school that her parents let her try to dress herself. A few days ago, her parents asked her to pour hot water by herself.
at home, she doesn't have to do anything and is afraid of being electrocuted when plugged in.
however, the girl, who was wrapped everywhere by her parents, felt suffocated and embarrassed.
she doesn't have a mind of her own, can't tell the size of her clothes, and can't travel alone.
so she begged her parents to let go and let her be independent.
it is true that the degree to which girls are loved by their parents is a bit exaggerated, but there are times in life when we can't help but hold out our hands.
when the child can walk, but we have to pick it up immediately;
when the child can eat by himself, but we choose to feed it;
when the child can get dressed and wash, but we reach out to help.
We may be distressed, or it may be because it is faster and easier to do it with our own hands, so we can't help it and naturally do everything for the child.
however, children who are deprived of the experience are likely to never be truly independent again.
he Jianzeng sighed:
for parents, it is easy for parents to hold their children.
but one day, we will withdraw from our children's world and watch them leave and go where we can't get to.
as a mother, holding back her hand and letting her child try what should be done, to learn what must be done, and to let her child have the ability to be independent of the world is the foundation of her child's self-confidence and self-discipline in the future.
mothers refrain from nagging so that their children can be excellent
if you ask, who is the most talkative person in the family? The answer must be mom.
because mother's urging and nagging are almost everywhere.
remind children to work and rest, go to bed quickly, get up quickly, eat quickly;
remind children to learn, write quickly, read quickly, read quickly.
to tell you the truth, no one wants to be so nagging, but the child's consciousness is not enough, no matter how to remind it.
so my mother's nagging had to intensify again.
however, too much language stimulation, in fact, will not make the child become self-conscious, on the contrary, it will make the child impatient until numb.
Children either turn a deaf ear or have a rebellious mentality. The more you talk, the more they will not listen.
this is the "over-limit effect" in psychology.
actress Sun Qian once shared her similar experience in the program.
when she was a child, every time she came home from school, her mother would keep urging "did you do your homework?" Go quickly! "
she was about to write, but she didn't want to write when she was urged by her mother to turn against her feelings.
later, she refused to do her homework and waited until her mother urged her to start slowly.
to make matters worse, nagging can destroy a child's self-discipline and self-confidence over time.
because the more closely parents keep an eye on and the more detailed the arrangement, the less self-control the child needs and eventually give up self-management completely.
some mothers will be very worried. If they don't remind them, do they want to let their children procrastinate?
Dong Qing once said, "you can be what you want your child to be."
because children may not listen to us, but they will imitate our behavior.
there is a scene in the movie "Galactic cram School": the father is working and his son Ma Fei asks.Dad, can I stay awake, too? "
Dad replied, "you don't have to ask me about your own affairs in the future. You decide for yourself."
Ma Fei's eyes lit up, and for the first time he felt in control of himself. He looked at his father, who was working at his desk, and began to turn over the book himself.
there is a saying that if you really love your child, half your mouth is enough.
instead of interfering with too many openings, it is better to lead by example.
only in this way can children have the opportunity to learn to control their rudders.
the mother can restrain her heartache so that the child can exercise self-discipline
"Please answer, teacher." one mother accused her 9-year-old son Pippi of lax study and absenteeism.
it turns out that Pippi is outstanding in literature and art, and usually takes some advertisements and short films. Sometimes busy late, can not get up the next day, sajiao to ask for leave.
out of heartache and grandma's protection, my mother chose to compromise.
unexpectedly, with an exception, Pippi began to refuse to go to school frequently.
mothers are anxious about their children's studies, but they also think that grandma is too doting.
the host bluntly pointed out the problem: the mother is the biggest accomplice to the child's laziness today.
when every child walks out of the comfort zone, he will inevitably complain about pain and tiredness, because the upward road is often destined to be not so easy.
the softness of parents will make the child comfortable and safe for the time being, but the child can only stay where he is and can no longer move forward.
at this time, a far-sighted mother will hold back her heartache and gently push her child forward, so that the child can overcome inertia and experience the joy of self-discipline and persistence.
Pippi's mother's dilemma reminds me of the woman standing behind Yi Qianxi, who pushed his mother all the way.
when she was 5 years old, my mother found that Xiao Qianxi had a gift for dancing.
so, every weekend and winter and summer vacation, mother and son get up at 6: 00 in the morning, make several buses and rush to the Children's Palace for class.
there has never been an exception.
later, there were more and more activities and courses in Qianxi, but even so, his culture class never fell behind.
most of the time, he can only finish his homework on the bus with a chopping block.
the days of persistence are very difficult, but looking back, Yi Qianxi said:
it is the most difficult to cultivate children's self-discipline.
it is the pursuit of excellence or even excellence, a struggle with children's inertia and instinct, full of sweat, pain and countless possible abandonment.
it is our mother's instinct to feel sorry for our children.
can be ruthless, push the child forward, carve the habit of self-discipline into the child's body, and the child can reap a brighter future.
psychologist Fromm said:
most of the time, we can't help but reach out and open our mouths out of heartache and worry.
but is this our own inner anxiety or the child's true will?
if the mother reaches out too much, the child will become dependent; if the mother talks too much, the child will become cowardly.
many times, our "can't help", for a child, is a blow to his confidence and a conscious deprivation.
self-discipline, first have their own, and then have constraints.
when the mother learns to be patient and gives the space and the right of trial and error back to the child, the child can live a determined life in her own life.