A messy family cannot raise a good child.

/July 2022

Harvard Business School once did a study that found that

families hide the life state of each member and the future of a child.

Clean families will bring luck and positive energy to their children, while messy families will overdraw their children's energy and dreams, and even drag them down for a lifetime.

therefore, in messy families, there are no promising children, especially the following three types of families, we must be vigilant.


families with messy things

cannot raise hard-working children

Confucius said: "if you have lived in an orchid room for a long time, you will not smell its incense, but you will not smell it in Bao City for a long time."

A clean and tidy family can nourish the child's mind, while a family with clutter and stains on the wall will only destroy the child's mind and let the child develop a lot of bad behavior habits.

A head teacher friend once shared such a thing with me.

in the class, there is a boy who is very naughty and mischievous, whether it is homework or school supplies, and it is perfunctory and perfunctory to ask him to clean up. Once, she visited the boy's home and was instantly shocked.

Open the door, there is a sour smell coming from the nostrils, and the porch is covered with smelly socks and shoes.

as soon as I walked in, I saw toys and items scattered all over the living room. The dishes and chopsticks in the sink looked as if they had been accumulated for several days, and there were even small flies flying around.

as for the boy, exercise books and books are lying casually on the greasy desk, holding potato chips in his hand and stuffing them into his mouth.

in the twinkling of an eye, the boy's father sat carelessly on the sofa, paying no attention to the mess on the tea table, while his mother warmly invited her to have a cup of tea.

but the truth is, there is no place for your ass to sit down.

the three members of the family live in such a messy space and are in such a mess, so it's no wonder that the children suffer from it.

Are you puzzled by the many styles of junior homecoming dresses in our online shop? The collection is in different beautiful materials.

if the parents are lazy, the children will certainly not be diligent.

when a child is in this environment for a long time, he will become increasingly depressed due to lack of order, and become a lazy "giant baby" due to lack of activity.

families with messy things cannot raise independent children in good order.

as parents, we must cultivate children's awareness of taking the initiative to pack things and tidy up their rooms from an early age.

not only can children change the habit of carelessness, laziness and procrastination in life, but also let children enjoy the comfort brought by orderly and organized things, and make them more diligent and active in all aspects.


families with messy work and rest

cannot raise children with self-discipline

Tolstoy said:

parents are a mirror of their children, and their children's behavior is the reflection of their parents.

Ai, the neighbor's 10-year-old daughter, is famous for being late at school. She is late almost every day, and even the guard on guard knows her very well.

Ai always complains to me about her mother:

"she often says she wants to get up early to run and exercise with me, but I never get up;

I often stay up late to watch dramas and browse on Taobao Douyin every day. I'm late for work every day, let alone send me to school."

after listening to this, I feel helpless. Mother and daughter are really alike.

No wonder school teachers often call to complain about Ai, love to be late for school, love to nap in class, and don't listen carefully.

I once saw a question on Zhihu: how does it feel to have parents who can stay up more late than you?

an anonymous user replied:

"my father stays up late every day, and I feel like he is the kind of person who gives up on his life.

sometimes I really hate him, because as a father, it has a great impact on my children, and I'm not used to going to bed early at home. "

in fact, children's good work and rest habits will not be formed automatically.

because they are still young and lack good self-control and self-management ability.

when children are young, heteronomy is very important to cultivate self-discipline, so parents' guidance becomes a top priority.

only parents who have a regular schedule will not destroy their children's concepts of time and rules, let alone miss the opportunity to cultivate their children's self-discipline from an early age.

as Gorky said:

when parents know self-discipline, self-control, and live an orderly life, their children can understand and regard it as the highest criterion, and become the same person as their parents through constant imitation and learning.


families with messy hearts

cannot raise progressive children

the family is the first school for children, and the mental outlook of children is influenced by their parents.

A messy family cannot raise a child who loves cleanliness and temperament, and a decadent and muddled family cannot raise a self-motivated child.

A few days ago, I watched an educational short film "listen, Children are talking" released by CCTV.

among them, there are two shots that touched me very much.

the first shot: adults are playing mahjong with noisy voices and smoke.

while the 9-year-old boy just sat on the low stool next to him and said, "I know I'm not someone else's child, but you're not other people's parents either."

second shot: the 10-year-old girl sits alone on the sofa without saying a word.

the background sound is interspersed with the sound of hand swimming and the sound of lines chasing the play.

the picture slowly unfolds. It turns out that the girl's father is playing Masters while her mother is chasing Gongting Opera.

femaleThe child said in disappointment, "you want me to study hard, but you usually can't control yourself."

Children live a lazy and depraved life and lack motivation in their studies, which may be transmitted from their parents.

my colleague Sister Ling's husband is an unmotivated person with an extremely barren heart. he is a "muddling fish player" in the workplace and a "typical representative of widowed parenting" at home.

she told me that one night, she was painstakingly speaking the pronunciation of English phonetic alphabet to her son when he became impatient and began to lose his temper.

she was also angry and criticized him severely.

the child said aggrieved: "Why do I have to study, but my father can watch TV and play with his mobile phone every day? it's not fair."

at that moment, she suddenly realized: how can a father who is addicted to play all day and has no ambition expect his child to work hard and study consciously?

from the children's point of view, parents' mental thoughts and behaviors are diametrically opposed. Children absorb only the decadent and chaotic state of their parents, so they naturally cannot believe their parents' words.

even feel that these adults are always looking for a bunch of hypocritical excuses for their misbehavior, saying one thing and doing another.

just like on weekdays, many parents always like "oral parenting". As soon as they see their children not studying hard, they can't help shouting:

"go and do your homework!"

go and read for me! "

while forcing children to "study hard" and "work hard", they are always slumped on the sofa, brushing their cell phones and watching TV.

how can children really learn to manage themselves when they are so contradictory?

as the saying goes, first-rate parents are role models, second-rate parents are coaches, and third-rate parents are nannies.

if a child's heart is not effectively nourished by the spirit of his parents at home, no matter how talented he is, without proper and orderly energy to support the child to move forward, it is very difficult to give full play to the child's greatest talent.

to educate a child well, parents need to be consistent with their inner state and words and deeds in order to keep their enthusiasm for life and learning forever.


A tidy family

can raise excellent children

poet Liu Yuxi once said, "Si is a shack, but I am virtuous."

the cleanliness of a family has nothing to do with rich or poor, and its attitude towards life has nothing to do with education.

but the cleaner the appearance and the neat and orderly house, the more can reflect a family's view of life.

some time ago, I watched a video clip of a renovation program, and I was quite impressed.

although the house is located in the downtown center of Beijing, it is very small, only 10 square meters.

the hostess does not like to dress up. There are only a few sets of clothes to change in spring, summer, autumn and winter, and there is no pile of bottles and cans of cosmetics.

when asked by the program group, the hostess said, "I don't need too many clothes. I just need to wear them comfortably and cleanly." No matter how big the house is, I won't buy more clothes. "

in contrast to simple material desires, the spiritual world of this family is very rich.

because the house is small, there is no TV set, but they have a collection of tens of thousands of books, neatly placed on the bookshelf.

and these books are not furnishings either. The family changed all their time for rest and entertainment to reading and studying, and kept this habit for ten years.

under this educational concept, the son is also smart, kind and cheerful, and never complains that his parents have failed to give him richer material comforts and more spacious living space.

the life of the whole family is also interesting and complacent.

as the saying goes, the family is at peace, and good fortune comes.

Family environment affects children's learning status and quality of life all the time.

Today, when house prices are so high, we may not be able to give children the most expensive and best school district rooms.

but we can start from the inside to provide children with a clean family environment with clean things, clean life and clean spirit. turn a warm home into a "school district room" that is most suitable for children to grow up.

in this way, we will be able to cultivate an excellent and independent child.